And we're back!

LIVE ON THE AIR!!! On the internet...

Anyway, a few of you horrible whiners have hassled me for taking so long to put up this post, so here it is! Happy now?!

Good!

So, a hell of a lot has happened this past month, where to begin...? I've worked ridiculous amounts, I've drank, I've not drank, I've eaten tonnes, gotten fat, gotten unfat again, wrecked my knee, gone to a rooftop barbeque in the densest suburb in the world, seen all my friends & my girlfriend from Australia, & just generally had an exhausting time of it all. But for the purposes of this post let's just look at how the 'detox' panned out, & the wedding. I'll get onto the other stuff laters.

The Detox:
or, how to feel both great & shit at the same time in 8 short days.

Detox, huh? *googly one-eye stare* Hmmmm, nope. People don't like it. The drinking culture here is quite a lot like Jack Black; thick, rich, hilarious when it's hilarious, & shithouse when it's not. 

Only a handful of times in my adult life have I decided to take a few weeks off from drinking booze & but I decided to give it a crack. Usually when eschewing the wonderfully heady aroma & heart-meltingly refreshing taste of a cold, frosty beer on a summer's day it's done for reasons like:

1. Kidney failure

2. Coma

3. A reasonably large bet

4. DoubleAIDS

5. A momentary aerobics craze

6. Loss of lips, throat &/or mouth

But this time I had - as was explained in a previous entry - a big week of partying coming up. Also, I felt crap from eating out for like four freakin' months. Still good reasons, & of course, taking two weeks out to be healthy is never going to be a bad thing. It is however, a pain in the arse to explain those relatively lame sounding excuses to people who reeeeeeally want you to come out & have a drink. I've recently discovered that along with boozing, peer pressure is evidently one of the national sports here. So eventually I decided to go out. 

I didn't drink however. I mean, given that I am a moral compass for millions, an enduring rock of modern sobriety & the global face of moderation & strong will, I thought I'd better not pull a Warney & behaved. Was a complete hassle, with people constantly in my face going 'WHY ARENN YOU DRINKGING!?!'. But eventually, they were finally pickled whole in pints of Heineken & they must've just assumed I was as legless as they were. Man, I couldn't wait to be one of them again...no really. That was really tough. We were at a bar here, which caters to a select, exclusive clientele whom I like to call the thinking Aussie pisshead. I've of course been there plenty of times given that a) I like beer (...actually, I'll get back to that point soon...don't let me forget yeah?), b) their English is superb, meaning they can still decipher your brlbrghsberrb after you've had 7 pints & c) they actually have reasonably good okay Aussie pub/bistro food. It was a Sunday session which probably wouldn't have been quite so gigantic if they hadn't put on live music (something that is ridiculously rare in HK outside of Phillo cover bands doing Guns & Roses until 5am in Wan Chai), half price pizza, & if Monday hadn't been a public holiday. So I got there & went 'oh'. It. Was. Chockers! And everyone was on 'full retard' by like 6pm. No word of a lie, the place was shoulder to shoulder, everyone was belting out the band's acoustic (?!) rendition of Back in Black, the floor was sticky. Man. It was a mess.

So that was definitely an eye opening experience for me. Am I that much of a boorish douchebag when I drink? Am I like that mate of mine who for some reason kept touching my ear to freak me out & asked me if I wanted a drink about 60 times in 2 hours? Do I sing along to Back in Black? Actually I'd do that part sober...actually, I did do that... I regret nothing. Anyway, I was really wondering if all those years of me thinking I was a pretty good drinker were false & I just thought I was doing well, but really I was hammered drunk, leaning to one side bellowing ALABAMAALABAMAALABAMA & telling everyone corporate secrets in joke form, all with four sheets of toilet paper stuck to one shoe.

This question plagued me for a week or two. Then it was answered: Yes. I just thought I was doing well. For some bizarre reason I seem to have lost my ability to be able to drink beer & not be a complete dick. This realisation only came to me after a barbecue that I attended the weekend before last. It was a rooftop affair in Mong Kok, which as I've previously explained in another post somewhere, is the most densely packed suburb on planet earth. I arrived late, ate like four fishballs & a few chicken wings & then smashed down like 9 440mL beers. Then everything went ffzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt*pop*
I woke up the next morning - Monday - r.e.t.a.r.d.e.d. Arrived at work at 10am, sporting a new green/grey skin tone, a not even nearly trendy half-shave & talking through my cheeks in order to avoid having to take in air. Left work, utterly defeated at 11:30am, walking as if there was something invisible but really heavy on my head & like something ridiculously sad had just happened to me. And even now, almost two weeks after then event, the thought of beer makes me want to do one of those 360 degree Exorcist-style barf ups. Bleugh. Anyway, got three photos that aren't terrible:

BQQ! Well, that's what the sign read anyway... 

Cool cats on a hot tin roof

Cool cats on a hot tin roof...which is actually 12 floors up...

So long story short: I can't drink beer anymore because not long after these photos got taken I went batshit on cheap, Chinese beer & completely wrote myself off. Genius!


The wedding on the other hand, was a very cordial event. No messy drunks, just good times with lots of good friends. I really have to stop writing this thing now as I've been sitting on it for like two weeks & still haven't manage to post it, then I wrote this whole spiel about the wedding but I've had serious beef with my computer & it has somehow been erased, so I'm so goddamned sick of seeing the same entry that I'm going to stop writing & just post the effing thing. It should suffice to say that everything went well for the bride & groom, the day was mostly fine with only a little bit of rain, dinner was AWESOME, & everyone was happy. Anyone who wants actual stories about the wedding can just email me, as I'm over this entry for now. Here's a bunch of photos. Enjoy:

Aawwwww. At the tea ceremony for Sharon's parents

Sexy Rolls taking its rightful place at the centre of attention

SUCH a sexy car...

Representing Ken, the black sheep ties that the 'brothers' had to wear. Hilarious. 

Dress number....3? I think.

The signing of the marriage contracts. The real legal biz. Aaaaaaaall in Canto. What was said? I've no idea. But it seemed lovely. 

The amazingly tasty dessert after the 9 preceding courses. So full...but it was so tasty...

The following night at a bar called 'Joyce is Not Here'. Chilling. Dressing for the heat. Was a good night.

All for now. I promise I'll put up another entry soon. I've still got the Dragonboat racing to tell you all about! That was FOREVER weeks ago! I'm getting lazy. Stay tuned! Mo posts coming soon!