Spines are for losers...

So as it turns out, Dragonboating is a real festival about actual stuff & not just an excuse for Northern Territorians to splash each other & get on the piss. Who would've thought?

It's (traditionally) the Tuen festival. Ostensibly it's about a guy who was so patriotic & so shitted off about the way things were going back in the day that he turfed himself into a river. Because that is totally the way that politics operates...actually, has anyone told this story to Sarah Palin? I think someone should get on that asap. So anyway, the festival goes along the lines of there being these little cakes that people eat on this day, which used to just get thrown into the water so the fish wouldn't eat this guy as he was such a hero, & then (apparently) Dragonboating came about due to it being ridiculously messy & noisy, & is supposed to be an attempt to make all the fish crap it & swim away so they again don't eat this dude. Not sure what part of this festival makes this guy exist in every ocean & estuary through the whole of Asia at the same time & also be somehow floating in the water without decomposing or getting a proper burial & what makes the fish only really want to nibble on him once a year, but hey, who am I to judge?

So that's the bit that every knows. Dead guy, cakes, drums, paddles, etc. Well, that's my version anyway. If you want the boring, boring 'proper' history click this so-called factual link. The hilarious subtext of this festival however, is that it's become an opportunity for the gay community to get out & pink it up a bit. Some genius in recent history decided to give this myth a bit of a  fruity revision & claimed that this guy Tuen Ng was actually bumming the Emperor! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! I thought that was a complete pisser. Way to keep a secret for like a thousand year only for someone with a vested interest to somehow uncover it at  conveniently liberal time in human history. I'm all for the rainbow movement, but seriously people, let's not start on that slippery slope. Buddha was gay too! John Wayne wore frilly neglige!!! Aaah, cracks me up.

So what it comes down realistically, is that once a year there's a Dragonboat festival & people being people, this has become quite competitive. So Stanley harbour hosts a corporate Dragonboat Racing Carnival wherein a whole raft of companies gets teams together of varying levels of seriousness who vie for like about 9 different divisional crowns & a fleeting blast of glory. For the rest of us, it's a day on junk boats downing beers & acting like rubes. I'll let the photos do the talking for this one, as I actually managed to take a bunch of them, but just so everyone knows, I've taken out all of the ones that could be considered even mildly incriminating. There were no shenanigans of a sexual nature & no one made a giant arse of themselves, but given that this was a work event I'm not allowed to take photos of nor mention hilarious things like how people were hurling cans of beer to beggars on neighbouring boats, how people dived from the top of our junk into the ocean & we had multiple escapees to the playboy yacht. Whoops. Also, I wasn't drinking, so this - as per a number of events in that long, long fortnight - was both eye-opening & difficult to maintain. Especially in that heat.

Oh, & just a word of warning, I have included every photo of myself in here & all of them are hideous. Sure you're all used to it by now, but just in case you're eating or something...

Day at the beach anyone...?

Ooooh, that's right. Hong Kong is CHOCK FULL OF PEOPLE!

A guy with wings drawn on his back & a bunch of pandas. Of course. And what's with that guy on the right? Looks like he's really trying to get rid of something...

On the speedboat. To the party junk! 

Me (slacker) with Darran, one of our Dragonboat crew. 

Junk after junk after junk.

This is the starting line of the races. We had a pretty good view from where we were.

The nabAsia gang. All on their best behavior at an early afternoon point.

Stanley Bay & some lovely tropical sun/cloud action.

A HOT guy. 

Neighbours, two boats over. She's not there now, but there was this bird who seriously leaned against that big aerial things for like 3 hours without moving. It was really weird.

The Playboy speedboat! YAAAAAAY!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!

Actually, I have to stop here because this shit is hilarious. I couldn't work out who it was, but every time this Playboy speedboat came anywhere near our yacht someone from our junk would lean over the side & start yelling "SHE'S GOT AN ADAM'S APPLE!" over & over again. I'm sorry, but that is just out & out funny. Anyway, on with the show:

OMG so hot sailor boy.

The Dragonboat crew enjoying a drink after their race was all done. How'd they do? No one had any clue whatsoever.

Oh! Another race kicks off! I don't know for sure, but I'm pretty confident those guys closest to us won. Look at 'em go!

Everyone ran out of enthusiasm for my camera. Was reduced to photographing myself.

Luke oversees proceedings. Luke owns the sky. I guess.

Can't believe I actually managed to get a shot of the starter gun going off. Thing was a friggin' howitzer. Check that funky smoke plume. 

I tried to photograph the last half of a race, but instead I just got a guy who seriously looks naked from this angle...

And our question was answered. Like real Aussies our team came 3rd! YEAH! But just to make everyone feel better it says '2nd runners up'. Ha ha. Lame.

It's toward the end of the day. You're sick of seeing drunk white people. You just want to go home. It's hot. F*ck it. You get down to your jocks to sail. Rock on man. Rock on. 

Asian tug boat. Or it's a huge mechanical duck with a bunch of ugly ducklings. Not sure.

A kick arse tropical sunset. This is impossible to get sick of.

My head wrecking the scenery. 

The funniest outfit of 2011. I nearly peed my pants when I saw this.

...we're going to Stanley!

WOOHOO! We're going to Stanley!

At the end of a long day, the street party starts! Go the Dragonboat festival!!!

So next year, I'll be doing two things differently:
1. I'll have a drink
2. I'll take part in the actual race. It destroys your spine as you're only paddling on one side, but hey, what's a few vertebrae between friends, right? Spines are for losers anyway.

Only took me about four weeks to write this, but better late than never!

Cheers!